Newbie is lost

[harleyO1]

Geez. I don't know where to start! I need to root my phone. I need the WiFi! Plus, those jerks at Sprint told me my Evo 4G would run my computer at no additional charge. They lied. Now I must root and I'm scared. I read about OS and ROM and flashing and rerooting and Google locking rooted phones out of some features! Are they going to find me and my rooted phone? Is this worth the anxiety? I'm comfy hacking my kids' school issued Macs but not my phone? Ohhh...I need help! I need a knowledgeable friend. I need a pill or something. Help! Somebody please point my clueless butt to the EASY button! How do I root? What ROM? What about the sphincter police at Google? Frustration on a whole new level!!!