So I got my TP replaced with a new one from Asurion (thank God it was new).
Downloaded the unlocker, ran it and it kept going straight from bootloader to a gray screen that said "Loading...". Tried manually updated SPL and still got the same thing...
I could not for the life of me realize what was going on! I got through to page 9 or 10 on this thread and realized that the "Loading..." screen is the same screen I see right before I hit the power button to update to a new ROM. Opened my SD card and BAM...there's a RAPHIMG.NBH sitting there...stupid me forgot to remove it!
Got rid of it, updated SPL and happily flashing to Mighty's latest 6.1 ROM.
Although no one helped me, I guess someone out there in this thread did since it finally came to me while reading through this!