Resolved finally!

I got the chance to call Sprint about two hours ago, and let me say, I am surprised!

Shortest tech support conversation I've had yet.

"Hi this is ----, what can I do for you today?"
I've got a Touch Pro, and my hardware keyboard totally stopped working two days ago...
"Ok, just one second please."

I heard him typing up what seemed to be a novel for about 3-4 minutes, he was tearing it up

"Alright, I'm going to have a new phone shipped to you, is the address still -----"
Yep!
"Ok, good. It will be there in 2-3 days... 5 maximum. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
Not at all, thank you so much!

That's seriously it... no questions about insurance, no questions about any attempted fixes... just that they're sending me a new one immediately... I <3 Sprint!