I'm pretty sure the bottom line is that Sprint offers the TP2 replacement but Verizon doesn't. I just got off the phone with Asurion and they for sure can't replace my TP2 with anything but an Imagio. This, obviously, is complete utter bullshit because they call the Imagio an "upgrade" when it is still a piece of crap TP2 but even crappier because it doesn't have a QWERTY keypad. Just because it was released later doesn't make it a better phone. I suggested they replace it with a Droid but she said that would be considered an upgrade (though I thought a second ago they're OK with 'upgrades' like the Imagio?) DESPITE the fact that the Droid has nearly identical specs as the TP2 (including a QWERTY keyboard) but with a different OS.
I CALL SHENANIGANS!
EDIT: I called Asurion again and this time asked to speak to someone who I could talk to about getting a QWERTY phone (I'm not gonna lie...had a Droid in mind the whole time) -- he told me to wait a minute while he checked their inventory for a more similar phone. Turns out the Droid seems to be a good match. WHADDAYA KNOW. 89 bucks and it should get shipped on Monday (it's currently Friday 2 am).
Now a happy customer.