I am kind of in the same boat as you and since I probably can't explain everything correctly, I will try to point you in the write direction.
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I want the fastest most responsive rom on my device
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Coming from wm I think you would agree that no one could ever agree 100% on which rom is the fastest. Try em out and find the one that works the best for you.
There is a post in the general android section called "Android 101" which is a good place to start and may answer some of your questions. Check the tips and tricks thread here and be sure to take a look at the hero section on xda. It seems a little more active than the one here and you should be able to find the answer to all of your questions there.