Welp, this is pretty funny. I sat and thought after I typed out the above and it occurred to me that all the sounds that aren't working are happening via different system than the phone sounds. Then I asked myself what has remained the same throught all my ROM flashes? TCPMP. I think somewhere along the way I had to redownload it so I may not be using the same one I've used in the past. I waited till my phone once again stopped working for sounds, then I uninstalled TCPMP, and my sounds came back without even a reset. I guess it's time to find a new version of TCPMP. Funny how I waited for days and days to make a thread, and then I find my own answers with an hour of posting it.
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Phone history:
xv6700, smt5800, xv6850 (TP), xv6875 (TP2)