JK man, you're not stupid, but I totally agree with everything you said. The only trustworthy review any of us can expect is our own once we have the phone in our hands. I'm willing to bet the battery life is not as horrible as some people are making it out to be. Maybe people who only experience 4-5 hours of battery life are watching movie after movie with 4g, bluetooth and GPS all active. Yeah in that case the battery is going to drain pretty damn fast. However I'm sure with the power saving options (screen dim and/or shut off, etc.) the phone is more than capable of making it through at least a regular workday, if not all day. It's all relative to how much you use the phone.
At least we get a 30-day test drive, so if anything about the phone is just unbearable, we can return it for something else. I don't see that happening though...