I'm looking for the same thing and have yet to find it. I'd love to change the SMS and e-mail alerts to a shorter vibration.
There is this program for a phone feature that just came out, but not for SMS, etc.
http://www.freewarepocketpc.net/ppc-download-vibro.html
Vibro is program to change the vibration pattern for incoming calls.
If we could find out who that developer is, i'm sure they could make a program for the other requested items. But I hear what you are saying.